This is the thing. And the thing is this. I haven't written for well over a year. I don't expect to write much more on this blog. But for awhile now I have been contemplating printing this blog before deleting it. I had fun blogging. I miss blogging a bit and connecting with others virtually. More than ever now since the only connecting I get lately is with a 12 year old dog and a 5 month old. But before signing out forever I needed closure. An ending chapter if you will. I will have to start with why I stopped blogging. So we must go back to October of 2009.
Neil and I were anticipating all sorts of changes. Very exciting changes. Life changing changes. Neil was graduating soon and had a fabulous job offer which would allow us to live exactly where we wanted to. We were finally starting the process of looking for a home to purchase. We also were FINALLY ready to start our family. We found out I was expecting sometime in October. That is when I stopped blogging because I was so incredibly sick that I couldn't find the strength and heart to even be slightly comedic. We bought a few baby things to celebrate but kept it a secret. I thought we weren't allowed to tell people until I was through the first trimester in case we miscarried. Fast forward to November 16, 2009. I will never forget that day. Our first doctor appointment. Our first ultrasound. The first devastating news. I was 8.5 weeks along and there was no heartbeat. Complete shock. Doctor was so sorry but how did we want to get rid of it? I didn't know. She left us alone for a bit. I needed to get out of there. A lot of crying. I apologized to Neil a lot. Sobbing at 3 AM. Why did I lose the baby? November 18, 2009. I called in "sick" to work. It turns out a quick surgery removes it, my June baby. More tears. Tears EVERY SINGLE day for almost a year. A lot of questioning. Deep dark depression, anger, and bitterness.
This brings us to 2010. 2010 was quite the year. February of 2010 we found out I was expecting again. This time we bought nothing. Told our parents early on because we needed the support if we lost another baby. We did not talk about it. Too afraid. March 2010 a few days before our 3 year wedding anniversary we bought our first home. It was a big step but we had waited so long for it that we were thrilled. A few days later I had miscarriage symptoms. Not again, I sobbed. But it was okay. But then a week later I ended up visiting the hospital because I was going to miscarry. The baby still had a heartbeat but it didn't look good. The doctor had discovered I have a medical condition that makes conceiving and carrying babies difficult. I have faith in God but I also trust in medicine. But when my doctor said "you will probably miscarry. All we can do is pray." I was scared. I was on mandatory bed rest for 7 weeks. Lots of prayers, weekly doctor appointments and medicine saved my precious miracle.
In May we said goodbye to Logan and moved into our new home. It felt like home instantly. It wasn't strange. I thought I might miss Logan since it was home for awhile. But I haven't looked back. We almost instantly remodeled the master bathroom and worked on the yard and other small things.
In June we found out we were expecting a boy. No surprise to me. I had dreamed about him. I knew it was a boy. I still wondered and played the "what if" game about my June baby.
October 2010 brought my greatest accomplishment. My beautiful son. Even though a part of my heart died when my first baby died. He filled another part of my heart with such love and joy. He is such a sweet, mild and loving baby. He has truly brought healing to me. I am still in awe at what a miracle he is.
The end.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Changing Thoughts
The last few weeks I've been driving to work with my headlights on. That means it wasn't quite light enough to drive without them. But this morning they were necessary. I left for work at my usual time and it was still dark. When I arrived at my office I looked out my window and all I saw was darkness. I decided that I should not be at work when it is still dark outside. It just doesn't feel right. Over the last few weeks I have enjoyed watching the seasons change right before my eyes. I love how each day the leaves looks a little different and there are a little more leaves scattered on the ground. I've also noticed a little more frost on the ground each morning.
I then watched the sunrise. Once again, it just didn't feel right to watch the sunrise from my office. It is even worse to watch the sunset soon after I arrive home. That just isn't right.
I also had some bizarre dreams last night that just didn't seem right. Even I could not even begin to interpret the meanings.
But what does seem right is that I am excited to take a break later today to run to the post office to put that infamous textbook in the mail. Yes, we finally sold it. Not for what we bought it for but at least we are getting something for it. I would love to report that because I publicly ousted half.com on my blog the president of the company called me and said he would buy it himself. But that did not happen. However, I will report that the email I sent to half.com over 4 weeks ago seeking help to post the book for sale just got answered. You know what their excuse was? They were busy. But they are sure glad I got my problem sorted out. Without their help. But all is good now.
I then watched the sunrise. Once again, it just didn't feel right to watch the sunrise from my office. It is even worse to watch the sunset soon after I arrive home. That just isn't right.
I also had some bizarre dreams last night that just didn't seem right. Even I could not even begin to interpret the meanings.
But what does seem right is that I am excited to take a break later today to run to the post office to put that infamous textbook in the mail. Yes, we finally sold it. Not for what we bought it for but at least we are getting something for it. I would love to report that because I publicly ousted half.com on my blog the president of the company called me and said he would buy it himself. But that did not happen. However, I will report that the email I sent to half.com over 4 weeks ago seeking help to post the book for sale just got answered. You know what their excuse was? They were busy. But they are sure glad I got my problem sorted out. Without their help. But all is good now.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Its been awhile
While visiting some family recently, Neil and I were asked the question "What have you been up to?" several times. Unfortunately, our response is generally school and work. That just about sums it up. However, we have infused a few other activities that may or may not be more exciting. First, we took a mini vacation to San Francisco way back in July. I have decided that mini vacations are not a good idea. Because they are just long enough to get used to the idea of vacationing but just short enough to wish you could have stayed longer. But we sure enjoyed it. We packed it in with as many activities as we could. It was a great trip.
Second, I took a business trip to San Diego a few weeks ago. I was relieved that I experienced no flight delays or robberies. I traveled with a co-worker who has had terrible traveling experiences as well so I think our bad luck canceled each other out. I did realize that business traveling isn't much fun. I intended to spend a lot more time at the beach and by the pool but the evil forces of work ruined every attempt. I did get to go to Sea World, so I guess I can't complain too much.
Third, I got to attend a BYU football game! I know that is not exciting to most but it is very exciting to me. BYU even won the game so it made the long trip worth it.
Finally, I've been reading a lot. I have recently read World Without End and Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. These were epic novels just in length alone but the thing I loved the most about those books is the historical time period they covered. Each book inspired me to do more research about the time period. I actually googled "The Plague" and read up on it. I know that is morbid but the book made me curious enough that I had to read about it. I also researched various religious leaders and cathedrals.
I most recently finished The Book Thief and I can honestly say it was very unique. Not only was the book narrated by "Death" but it was about Germans in Nazi Germany and how they dealt with World War II. I have read several accounts from Jews during that time period. It was fascinating to see the other perspective. Of course the book is fiction but it is loosely based on the experiences of the author's relatives. This book was full of lessons on psychology and humanity on various levels. It sure made me think.
Currently, I am reading a mystery by Mary Jane Clark while I decide what genre to dabble in next.
Second, I took a business trip to San Diego a few weeks ago. I was relieved that I experienced no flight delays or robberies. I traveled with a co-worker who has had terrible traveling experiences as well so I think our bad luck canceled each other out. I did realize that business traveling isn't much fun. I intended to spend a lot more time at the beach and by the pool but the evil forces of work ruined every attempt. I did get to go to Sea World, so I guess I can't complain too much.
Third, I got to attend a BYU football game! I know that is not exciting to most but it is very exciting to me. BYU even won the game so it made the long trip worth it.
Finally, I've been reading a lot. I have recently read World Without End and Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. These were epic novels just in length alone but the thing I loved the most about those books is the historical time period they covered. Each book inspired me to do more research about the time period. I actually googled "The Plague" and read up on it. I know that is morbid but the book made me curious enough that I had to read about it. I also researched various religious leaders and cathedrals.
I most recently finished The Book Thief and I can honestly say it was very unique. Not only was the book narrated by "Death" but it was about Germans in Nazi Germany and how they dealt with World War II. I have read several accounts from Jews during that time period. It was fascinating to see the other perspective. Of course the book is fiction but it is loosely based on the experiences of the author's relatives. This book was full of lessons on psychology and humanity on various levels. It sure made me think.
Currently, I am reading a mystery by Mary Jane Clark while I decide what genre to dabble in next.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
The Breaking Point
I didn’t want to have to share. But I just can’t help it. I just have to. So I believe this all started with my old phone not working just to find out Verizon was having network issues. Well, after a week of my new phone not ringing when someone called and after a week of fiddling with it because it had to be something dumb, I took it back to the store. And when I say “I” I mean Neil did. Because I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t work my own phone. This is actually the nicest and most technologically advanced phone I have ever owned and I was starting to feel stupid for not being able to work it. Well, it turns out that Verizon has NEVER had that problem with this phone before. They were puzzled. At least it wasn’t me!? So their solution was to give me another brand new phone. But in order to do that we would have to return the old new phone box with receipts as well. So my poor dear husband had to go back home get that and then wait around while they activated the new phone. He even missed his study group for me. He delivered my new phone to my work and rushes off to class. But my new phone didn’t have the same menu options and functions as my old new one. So I was furious. I am debating just returning the stupid new phone and downgrading technology because apparently I am not ready for such a big step. I have a technology inferiority complex. While I waited for Neil to get out of class to see if he could figure out how to work the new phone I hit my breaking point.
After the last week and half I am surprised this didn’t happen sooner. So you ask what could possibly have been my breaking point? Someone who shall not be named ate a piece of my lunch. Seriously. Let me explain something about this lunch first. It began Monday night when dinner ended up being a disaster. Just imagine buckets of rice and a missing ingredient and Cheryl crying on the kitchen floor. So my dear husband picked me off the floor and said I’m buying pizza. He even splurged for the good pizza. He even saved some for me to take for lunch on Tuesday, which is a treat for me. So I take my precious good pizza to work and store it in the refrigerator. Clearly it was not to share. I have never had a problem before at work but someone helped themselves to my lunch! Tears were almost spilt because not only was my phone not working but someone ate my lunch.
To make a long story short, I decided to take my own advice. So I went home and ate chocolate cake. Then I decided that I ought to start marketing my life to television. Wouldn’t this make a great episode of The Office?
After the last week and half I am surprised this didn’t happen sooner. So you ask what could possibly have been my breaking point? Someone who shall not be named ate a piece of my lunch. Seriously. Let me explain something about this lunch first. It began Monday night when dinner ended up being a disaster. Just imagine buckets of rice and a missing ingredient and Cheryl crying on the kitchen floor. So my dear husband picked me off the floor and said I’m buying pizza. He even splurged for the good pizza. He even saved some for me to take for lunch on Tuesday, which is a treat for me. So I take my precious good pizza to work and store it in the refrigerator. Clearly it was not to share. I have never had a problem before at work but someone helped themselves to my lunch! Tears were almost spilt because not only was my phone not working but someone ate my lunch.
To make a long story short, I decided to take my own advice. So I went home and ate chocolate cake. Then I decided that I ought to start marketing my life to television. Wouldn’t this make a great episode of The Office?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Writing Life
Over the weekend I finished The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan. I thought it was pretty good. The ending was a bit far fetched for me but it was an interesting book. My favorite Amy Tan book is The Kitchen God's Wife and my second favorite is The Joy Luck Club. Why I suggest that everyone should read at least one of her books is because she not only introduces you to the culture of the Chinese and Chinese-Americans but she was an amazing way with words. Her writing has a way of drawing you in and describing things in a way I never could have even imagined. After reading one of her books I could only dream of being able to write that beautifully.
I just started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am introducing a new category to my palette. Biographies. In the library I usually sit at a table in the biography section and I stare at the plethora of biographies wondering what all of those people were like and why they are special enough to write a book about themselves or have a book written about themselves. Anyway, as I have begun this book I decided I cannot share my opinion on this book. Who am I to comment on whether I like someone else's life or not? It reminded me of an experience I had earlier this summer. I briefly reconnected with a friend I haven't spoken to in over 4 years. She contacted me out the blue. It was nice to reconnect until she made judgments on my life. We are both in very different places since we last spoke. We are probably different people than when we last spoke. But it was hurtful to hear her dissect my life and make it seem as if I led a miserable life. So I cannot judge Elizabeth Gilbert's life because it is her life.
I can say that I think she is a great writer. I can also say that she is such a good writer that I have been able to say, "Wow. I've been there. Wow. I've felt that." But there are also some parts that I can't even relate to. I wonder if I was to write an autobiography some day, what would I write? Would it be funny? Would it be sad? Would I have enough meaningful things to write about?
For now though, I think I will stick with blogging and reading about other people's lives.
I just started reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am introducing a new category to my palette. Biographies. In the library I usually sit at a table in the biography section and I stare at the plethora of biographies wondering what all of those people were like and why they are special enough to write a book about themselves or have a book written about themselves. Anyway, as I have begun this book I decided I cannot share my opinion on this book. Who am I to comment on whether I like someone else's life or not? It reminded me of an experience I had earlier this summer. I briefly reconnected with a friend I haven't spoken to in over 4 years. She contacted me out the blue. It was nice to reconnect until she made judgments on my life. We are both in very different places since we last spoke. We are probably different people than when we last spoke. But it was hurtful to hear her dissect my life and make it seem as if I led a miserable life. So I cannot judge Elizabeth Gilbert's life because it is her life.
I can say that I think she is a great writer. I can also say that she is such a good writer that I have been able to say, "Wow. I've been there. Wow. I've felt that." But there are also some parts that I can't even relate to. I wonder if I was to write an autobiography some day, what would I write? Would it be funny? Would it be sad? Would I have enough meaningful things to write about?
For now though, I think I will stick with blogging and reading about other people's lives.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I just had to
I have been enjoying my new found optimism despite frustrations and set backs. However, this was just too good to not share. As I have already explained Neil has a very expensive extra textbook he will not be using. So we researched some options and decided we would try selling it on half.com. Well, we ran into some issues while doing that. Before reading the Instant Messenger conversation below please note that our ONLY option for help was through this Instant Messenger. We searched the website for a phone number but none could be found. Second, please keep in mind that we were logged in and registered on the half.com website. That is very important to remember.
1:56:41 PM Sylvester F.
Hello, thanks for waiting and welcome to eBay Live Help! My name is Sylvester. How may I help you today?
1:57:34 PM neil
I am trying to list a textbook to sell. But when my credit card is being verified it says the card identification number is incorrect. I have updated my credit card in my account but it still won't work.
1:58:06 PM Sylvester F.
Please give me a minute or two while I check this for you.
1:58:25 PM neil
okay. thank you
1:59:06 PM Sylvester F.
I can see that you've not yet created a PayPal account.
1:59:24 PM Sylvester F.
To sell on eBay you'll need to create a PayPal account.
2:00:37 PM Sylvester F.
Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?
2:01:22 PM neil
So I need that to sell on half.com? None of the listing instructions said I needed a paypal account.
2:01:41 PM Sylvester F.
Oh!
2:01:51 PM Sylvester F.
We have a dedicated team for Half.com issues. To contact them, please try the Help Wizard available from the Half.com site:
http://pages.half.ebay.com/help/wizard/index.html
2:01:56 PM Sylvester F.
From that page, select the topics that describe your problem. You'll then receive a possible resolution. If the response that you get doesn't answer your question, click the "Contact Customer Service" link to email the support team for Half.com.
2:01:56 PM Sylvester F.
You can also send them a direct email by sending your question to service@half.com
2:02:40 PM neil
Is there a phone number I can reach them?
2:03:37 PM Sylvester F.
Please don't worry, our listing team will call you while you've completed your listing...
2:03:56 PM Sylvester F.
May I transfer you to our eBay Listing team.?
2:04:08 PM neil
No thank you.
2:04:21 PM Sylvester F.
You're welcome.
2:04:26 PM Sylvester F.
Have I resolved your issue?
2:04:43 PM neil
No. I suppose I will have to email half.com.
2:04:57 PM Sylvester F.
Oh I see.
2:06:27 PM System
Sylvester F. has left this session!
I am still deciding if Sylvester F. is from India or if he is a computer. Because if neither of those options are the case then well that was horrible customer service. Well, it is horrible either way you look at it but at least I could understand why it was so horrible if one of my assumptions was correct.
So because our frustration came to a boiling point we decided we were not going to work with half.com anymore. We then proceeded to drive around Logan trying to sell the textbook back to all of the bookstores in Logan. The highest offer we got was for $35 for a brand new, never been used $120 textbook. Lame. We didn't accept that and I tried half.com again today. I know, what was I thinking? And it still wouldn't work. Does anyone have any ideas? Too bad I don't have a twitter account with millions of followers so I could make something happen and call half.com to repentance. If only I had that much power...
1:56:41 PM Sylvester F.
Hello, thanks for waiting and welcome to eBay Live Help! My name is Sylvester. How may I help you today?
1:57:34 PM neil
I am trying to list a textbook to sell. But when my credit card is being verified it says the card identification number is incorrect. I have updated my credit card in my account but it still won't work.
1:58:06 PM Sylvester F.
Please give me a minute or two while I check this for you.
1:58:25 PM neil
okay. thank you
1:59:06 PM Sylvester F.
I can see that you've not yet created a PayPal account.
1:59:24 PM Sylvester F.
To sell on eBay you'll need to create a PayPal account.
2:00:37 PM Sylvester F.
Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?
2:01:22 PM neil
So I need that to sell on half.com? None of the listing instructions said I needed a paypal account.
2:01:41 PM Sylvester F.
Oh!
2:01:51 PM Sylvester F.
We have a dedicated team for Half.com issues. To contact them, please try the Help Wizard available from the Half.com site:
http://pages.half.ebay.com/help/wizard/index.html
2:01:56 PM Sylvester F.
From that page, select the topics that describe your problem. You'll then receive a possible resolution. If the response that you get doesn't answer your question, click the "Contact Customer Service" link to email the support team for Half.com.
2:01:56 PM Sylvester F.
You can also send them a direct email by sending your question to service@half.com
2:02:40 PM neil
Is there a phone number I can reach them?
2:03:37 PM Sylvester F.
Please don't worry, our listing team will call you while you've completed your listing...
2:03:56 PM Sylvester F.
May I transfer you to our eBay Listing team.?
2:04:08 PM neil
No thank you.
2:04:21 PM Sylvester F.
You're welcome.
2:04:26 PM Sylvester F.
Have I resolved your issue?
2:04:43 PM neil
No. I suppose I will have to email half.com.
2:04:57 PM Sylvester F.
Oh I see.
2:06:27 PM System
Sylvester F. has left this session!
I am still deciding if Sylvester F. is from India or if he is a computer. Because if neither of those options are the case then well that was horrible customer service. Well, it is horrible either way you look at it but at least I could understand why it was so horrible if one of my assumptions was correct.
So because our frustration came to a boiling point we decided we were not going to work with half.com anymore. We then proceeded to drive around Logan trying to sell the textbook back to all of the bookstores in Logan. The highest offer we got was for $35 for a brand new, never been used $120 textbook. Lame. We didn't accept that and I tried half.com again today. I know, what was I thinking? And it still wouldn't work. Does anyone have any ideas? Too bad I don't have a twitter account with millions of followers so I could make something happen and call half.com to repentance. If only I had that much power...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Positive Attitude Part 2
Yay life! I really hoped I wouldn't have to write a part 2 but I am at the point that all of this has become quite humorous. Normally, I don't think I would take it so well but I must be turning over a new leaf. So yesterday, morning Neil calls me sounding quite upset and informs me that we ordered the wrong $120 textbook for one of his classes. We don't buy his books from the bookstore because they are too expensive and we have ordered his books online for the last couple of years. We not only have saved hundreds of dollars but we've never had a problem. Until now. We don't know if the bookstore put the wrong information online or the professor changed his mind or what but we can't return the book we have and now we have to buy another one.
Things couldn't get any worse right? Wrong. So Neil has a flash drive that he uses so he can work on homework at school and then bring it home to finish or save his work. Well, last night when he went to retrieve his flash drive from his backpack so he could print out a homework assignment, he couldn't find it. He searched his entire backpack twice. We searched our house once. Searched his car three times. And then he remembered he put it in his pocket instead of his backpack. So it could be anywhere that he went today. So we get into the car and start retracing his steps. Luckily, we decided to look at where we parked to walk the Logan River Trail. And there it was, only run over and smashed. But at least we found it? Fortunately, we were able to fix it enough to pull off his assignment.
On another note I am reading The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan. The concept of this book is love. Love between husband and wife, mother and daughter, father and daughter, sisters, and friends. This concept is told through a story of a woman and her step-sister. If you have never read an Amy Tan book, you should. I wouldn't say this has been my favorite and not all of her books are my favorite. But she is an amazing writer. Her books are amazing. I have enjoyed this book because it has explored how love can be lost and then found. It even explores how love can transcend the grave through reincarnation. It is just fascinating and the story is so well told. I can't wait to finish it.
Things couldn't get any worse right? Wrong. So Neil has a flash drive that he uses so he can work on homework at school and then bring it home to finish or save his work. Well, last night when he went to retrieve his flash drive from his backpack so he could print out a homework assignment, he couldn't find it. He searched his entire backpack twice. We searched our house once. Searched his car three times. And then he remembered he put it in his pocket instead of his backpack. So it could be anywhere that he went today. So we get into the car and start retracing his steps. Luckily, we decided to look at where we parked to walk the Logan River Trail. And there it was, only run over and smashed. But at least we found it? Fortunately, we were able to fix it enough to pull off his assignment.
On another note I am reading The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan. The concept of this book is love. Love between husband and wife, mother and daughter, father and daughter, sisters, and friends. This concept is told through a story of a woman and her step-sister. If you have never read an Amy Tan book, you should. I wouldn't say this has been my favorite and not all of her books are my favorite. But she is an amazing writer. Her books are amazing. I have enjoyed this book because it has explored how love can be lost and then found. It even explores how love can transcend the grave through reincarnation. It is just fascinating and the story is so well told. I can't wait to finish it.
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